“Man, you guys are on fire!” and other things I only say in spin class

When I teach indoor cycling I sort of have my own spin shtick or as Frank calls it “The Elsa show.”


You see, I say things that I would never under any circumstances say anywhere else:

“The more you turn the more you burn!”
“I better not see any bouncing booties!”
“You can do anything for one minute!”
“You guys rock!”
“Push it…press it…come on…dig with those heels!”
“Let’s do the pony tail test…is your pony tail bouncing?”
“Who’s gonna get to the top first?”

And I count down and everything like “5-6-7-8” and “3-2-1” and “Give me 10” and “Give me 20.” It’s like I’m a cross between a drill sergeant and a drill team captain.

The great thing is that ever since I moved to Atlanta I’ve been able to add new sayings to my repertoire since I can rip off other teachers’ shtick from Dallas. Here are a few of my faves:

“I want it one time and one time only, take it to your max!”
“Scrape that poo off your shoe.”
“Keep your seat over that seat.”
“How ya feeling? Hot and sweaty, right?”
“Don’t fall apart on me now!”

Now let me fill you in on a secret about my spin shtick: My favorite line is, “Man, you guys are on fire!” It doesn’t matter if I’ve got 30 people who are professional bikers or three people who are professional nappers. I tell all of them that they are on fire. And I always say it as if I’ve never seen a class so talented, so enthused and so intense.

It’s actually more like, “Man!!” (and then I look around the room with my mouth open in surprise) “You guys are on FIRE tonight!” Oh, and I always add the time of day so they think I really just came up with it:

“Man! You guys are on FIRE this morning!”
“Man! You guys are on FIRE this afternoon!”
“Man! You guys are on FIRE today!” (for the 4:30 classes).

Sometimes I’ll even add, “I’m impressed!!”

Don’t get me wrong, there are times when I really DO think that they’re on fire. But there are also times when I’ve got four people barely moving their legs, talking to their friends or yawning. Still, I tell them they’re on fire and it usually gets them working again…at least for a few minutes.

Now you’re wondering, “Will I ever get to see Writinggal do her spin shtick?” Only if you come to my spin class and you are more than welcome. But if we’re at a party, don’t expect me to say “Is your bootie bouncing?” or “Keep that core tight!” And I definitely will not say “Man, you’re on fire tonight!” Unless of course you are, literally, on fire.

But that would be an approprate time to finally use another great line: "Stop, drop and roll!"