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Thursday, March 23, 2006

Always Low Prices. Always. (Except in Plano)

That fancy pants Wal-Mart that just opened in Plano is RIGHT across the street from my fave Target. What’s a shoppinggal to do? My beloved Target is exceptionally clean, has fantastic products and all my buds work there. But the new Wal-Mart has sushi and $500 bottles of wine! Wait. I don’t like either of those things.

My prediction? This ain’t gonna work. Now I’ll preface this with saying I’m usually wrong about these things: I saw the trailer for the movie The Matrix and thought, “Oh, I’m so embarrassed for Keanu Reeves. I bet not ONE person will go see that movie.”

But hear me out:

You Can’t Please Everyone: Make up your mind, Wal-Mart. Who’s your target (no pun intended)? The poor? White trash? Gun-toting Texans? Or is it selective suburanites? If you really want to go after the affluent, lose your name at these upscale stores. Go with the HEB strategy: Open a Central Market.

Plano people are faux-posh: Sure, the average household income in my neighboring community (we’re outcasts on the outskirts) is three times the national average but they still like a good bargain. Their mall, the Shops at Willow Bend, may have a Saks but the real crowds are in the Sonic in the food court. As Frank says, “People in Plano just like to know that their mall has a Saks and a Neiman’s, but they don’t really want to shop there.” Aside: Frank may not have actually said the names of these stores because he gets those two mixed up with Nordstrom. He also gets Selma Blair and Amanda Peet mixed up but that’s another blog.

Wal-Mart Can’t Keep up: I don’t mean they can’t continue to stock their shelves with organic food and sell semi-designer clothing. They’re just not gonna have the customer service of my Target. Cause when it comes down to it, no matter how upscale the store is, their employees still know that they work at Wal-Mart and they are not happy about it. So they’re not gonna know where anything is, they’re not gonna offer to help me and there’s no way those bathrooms are ever gonna look as shiny as they did on the Today Show this morning.

So Target friends, don’t think this gal is gonna abandon you. No way. But if you’re wondering where I am this weekend, I might be across the street at your competitor. What? Even I gotta sample the sushi!

4 comments:

Jessi said...

Boooo.

Wal-Mart will always be Wal-Mart no matter how fancy they try to make it. Do they honestly think that Wal-Mart folk are gonna eat Sushi?

So now the stores are gonna be dirty AND smell like old, discounted fish.

Anonymous said...

I saw that on the Today show this morning. I agree Wal-mart needs to stick with their loyal customers. Me not being one of them.
Jessi is right, now there is one more reason not to go to Wal-mart. Stinky fish smell.
I love Target, so much so, I live across from one.

Anonymous said...

Now I felt similar about the Wal-mart Neighborhood Market they put in Uptown, but low and behold people are still packing the parking lot. All success aside, I still shop at Super Target.

Writinggal said...

I'd respect them more if they'd say, "You know what? We're dirty and we cater to the dirties. We're proud of it!"