A Day at the Beach

I LOVE the beach.  I love palm trees. I love looking at the ocean. I love the sound of it. I love beach grocery stores. I love how most people there are on vacation. I love beach houses. I love shells. I love sand dollars. I love swimming in pools by the beach. I even think I love "long walks on the beach." I just love that whole beach vibe.

I used to use that phrase "A day at the beach" to describe something that was carefree, relaxing and easy.

But when we were in Galveston last weekend, I said, "Why do people say 'a day at the beach?' This is hard work!" My brother-in-law, David, said, "They aren't talking about the beach with kids."

Exactly. The beach with kids is totally different than the beach I was describing above. The beach I'm talking about involves sitting in a lounge chair under an umbrella. Or even better--when someone brings me a drink with an umbrella in it. The beach with kids involves about an hour and a half of preparation before even stepping foot on the sand:

--Locate swim suits and swim shirts for two kids--12 minutes
--Slather on sunblock--22 minutes (includes squirming, protesting and sometimes escaping)
--Find and pack beach shovels, buckets, toys, floaties, hats, sunglasses and towels--18 minutes
--Prepare for an inevitable beach diaper change--extra swim diapers, wipes, trash bag--6 minutes
--Pack snacks--My God, the snacks!! Leo--Mr. "I can eat a piece of cheese and be full for 4 hours"--is somehow ravenous at the beach. He requires a yogurt tube, a Luna bar, infinite Goldfish and a juice box--24 minutes
--Get myself ready--swim suit, sunblock, cocktail--8 minutes

Then there's the schlepping. Even though we were beach front, we were still weighed down with chairs, boogie boards, bags and babies.

So the kids play in the sand which is kind of cute but ugh, who wants to play in it with them? Not me. But you HAVE to! These are memory-making moments, people! The sand-throwing, digging and the burying, you gotta do it all. And you must photograph it. I usually leave most of that to Frank but still, sitting in your chair and sipping a fun drink is frowned upon when you're supervising sand play. The chairs we brought are really just for stowing all the stuff.

After about 45 minutes of quality beach time, you gotta schlep back to the house for another hour-and-a-half of de-beaching--taking off the wet bathing suits and de-sanding the kids. Sometimes this involves a full-on bath which means no way are we going back to the beach that day.

Sure, it's all cute in the pictures but if you were the one who had to clean out the sand in the crevices of these children's bodies, well, you'd be begging for a drink with a little umbrella in it.