Things I wish I liked: Antiques

Sure, I’ve got my antique kitchen table but that was totally by accident. Other than that I am an antique-free house.

As with all my “Thing I wish I liked” topics, my feelings for antiques are complex. I mean, when I see an antique piece of furniture in someone’s home, like a dresser for instance, I think it’s really cool. I might even say, “I think that’s really cool.” Perhaps I might even add, “That was your great great grandmother’s? That is REALLY cool!”

I think a lot of antiques are beautiful and charming. I love that they have a story behind them. I have a hunch they’re higher quality than things I’d find at Ikea.

But I don’t like ‘em and here’s why: People who are into antiques are hoarders. Is it possible to be have just a few antiques? Do people ever have minimalist-style homes with an antique coffee table and perhaps an antique China cabinet?

No. People with antiques always have LOTS of antiques. Their houses are covered in antique chairs, antique lamps, antique hat boxes, antique shelves and more antique end tables than they have ends. Antiquers homes end up looking a lot like antique stores (which might as well just be called “clutter centers”).

As if that weren’t enough, they’re always going “antiquing” to find MORE antiques. Pretty soon their homes are so crowded with furniture and knick knacks that it actually starts to smell like the era from which those antiques came from.

Would I like to have a few antique pieces in my home? Sure! Then I could say, “Oh, that? That’s an antique chess set I found at this little antique shop in the mountains where I went antiquing one weekend with seven girlfriends.” That would be awesome. But then I’d have to be a hoarder. And I’d have to dust a lot more often.

So, antiques. I wish I liked you. But I don’t.