There’s the cutest old man who works at my Walgreens. I call him Wally. He's probably about 102 and he starts a conversation with everyone in the check-out line:
“Oh, do you like this toothpaste? I was thinking of getting some!”
“What do you have going on today?”
“I didn’t know Brad and Angelina were breaking up. Is this magazine telling the truth?”
“Are you a P.E. Teacher?
He loves working at Walgreens. In fact, he’s ALWAYS there. I don’t think he ever has a day off or even a lunch break. Wally’s a great guy.
Now, the reason I say all this is because I’m carrying around this enormous guilt. My guilt is stemming from the fact that WALLY DRIVES ME CRAZY!!
Every time I go in I have to wait in the longest line because Wally is chatting up every customer:
“Oh, isn’t she a cute little girl! The angels must have dusted your eyes! Did you know that the eyes are the only things that never change on a person from the time they’re born to the time they die?”
This is what was going on yesterday. But instead of just smiling and nodding, the customer started asking HIM questions about eyes and genetics and then Wally’s latest cancer scare and then some Walgreens promotion. “Stop. Stop asking him questions,” I mumbled under my breath.
I mean, you’re not supposed to wait in line at Walgreens! As Frank says, “That’s why they charge you more.” Exactly. You’re supposed to be able to run in, grab your drugs and Hallmark cards, and run out.
So yesterday I waited for about twelve minutes. I was behind a guy who was buying an enema and I prayed very hard that Wally would not make a comment about it: “Oh, having trouble with your bowels, huh? I know the feeling. This one’s okay but you really want a more powerful one. See? We have it on sale!” Luckily, he struck up a conversation about the drought outside instead of the drought in the guy’s colon.
When it was finally my turn I bought some Airborne (Wal-borne), an O magazine and I picked up a free pair of Regis and Kelly 3D sunglasses (for use on their Halloween episode. It’s a must-have for RK fans). The glasses is where Wally got me:
“Do you watch that show?”
“Everyday.”
“Do you have kids?”
“No.”
“Well, kids love playing with these 3D glasses.”
(Hey, buddy, I just said I don’t have any kids…)
“They love to connect the A and the B…”
“Oh, that’s great.” (Now I don’t know what that means “A and the B” but I’m not dare gonna ask.)
“They love to close one eye and look through the red side and close the other eye and look through the blue side. I had a teacher come in earlier and pick up 30 of them!”
“Great.” (Again, didn’t want to hold up the line even though Regis and Kelly had clearly said ONE pair to a customer.)
So I finally leave Walgreens and glance at my receipt. Wally had overcharged me for the Wal-Borne. I had to go back in and wait in line AGAIN! I had to listen to more chatter and he gave every single person ahead of me the same Regis and Kelly spiel:
“…the blue side…the red side…she got 30 of them for her classroom…connect the A and the B.”
You won’t believe what the lady three people in front of me said: “What do you mean connect the A and the B?”
NO!!!! Stop, lady!! I have to pee. I can’t stand in this Walgreens line one more second!! Somebody hold me back or I might hurt Wally!
When I finally got to the front again it had been so long that Wally didn’t even remember me. He agreed that he had overcharged me for the Wal-borne (it rang up wrong) and he then sent me back to photo to a manager. What? I could have gone to photo the whole time?! I didn’t need to wait in the never-ending Wally line?
I didn’t understand that this was the process!
I guess I just didn’t connect the A and the B.
6 comments:
I'm exhausted just LISTENING to this story!!! I think I would punch Wally in the face. Or just go to CVS instead. :)
p.s. people's eyes DO change color... lots of babies are born with blue eyes and their parents are sooooo hoping they'll stay that lovely blue. Then they turn grey or green or droopy and the pretty baby is dundies. Go tell Wally THAT.
I remeber Wally was working at Walgreen's when I visited you in Atlanta.
It was stressful listening to your story. I do not understand the A to B things at all.
Liz is right, not only does the color change, but the cornea loses cells over time. Spoken by a former Eye Bank employee.
Do you have to put the glasses together by putting the bow on the frame and you connect the a to b?? That's all I can guess.. I beg you to drive past the Wallgreen's when I come to visit and go straight to point B. :)
Yes, there's an A and a B on the 3D sunglasses that guides you in putting them together. I, personally, like to close one eye and look through the red then close one eye and look through the blue. I do this for hours while waiting in line at Walgreens.
Wow, how exhausting! My only complaint about Wally-ette here in Dallas is that she's constantly trying to upsell me on whatever item they have at the checkout stand and make me donate a dollar for some random cause.
Chocolate covered Oreo's?
$1 for Lukemia?
Knee Highs?
Save the Whales?
Spotted Owl?
Tic Tacs?
Well you can never have too many pairs of knee highs.
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