Frank with the Glasses

In college Frank introduced me to this friend of his. I think her name was Kara. I don’t remember much about her except that she wore glasses. So from then on, whenever he would mention her, I’d say, “Who?” and he’d say, “You know, Kara…she’s Janna’s friend…you met her in the computer lab…” and I would say, “Oh! Kara with the glasses!”

He thought this was amusing because she didn’t always wear glasses. She just happened to be wearing glasses the day I saw her. He’d say, “She’s not ‘Kara with the glasses.’”

So that became a thing—labeling people for conditions that are only temporary:

“Cindy with the big earrings.”
“Stan with the camouflage t-shirt.”
“Jason with the fanny pack.”
“Erica with the booger.”

If some sort of temporary condition were to strike us, we’d also call it out:

“I’m Frank with the cold sore!”

“I’m Elsa with the giant pimple!”

This weekend Frank got pink eye and he had to wear his glasses from sophomore year in high school. They’re big and bulky and—seeing as the prescription is about fourteen years old—not very effective. When he realized that he would have to wear them out in public (to a bar, no less), he said, “Oh, no! I’m Frank with the glasses!”

And he was. He had to introduce himself to people and that was their first impression. If they ever hear his name again they’ll say, “Who? Frank? Oh, Frank with the glasses!” And really, they’ll more likely say, “Who? Frank? Oh, Frank with the big, dorky glasses!”

When he went to the eye doctor on Sunday (one of those mall eye doctors—they’re open all the time), they told him he’d have to be “Frank with the glasses” for three more days. He couldn’t take it. He broke down and actually purchased new glasses. And since it was a mall eye doc, he got them an hour.

Check him out. I think “Frank with the glasses” is pretty cute.

I just hope he’s not too good for “Elsa with the retainer.”