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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Things I wish I liked: Golf


As promised, I will now explain why I don’t like golf but wish I did.

First, why I wish I liked it: Fancy people play golf. Golfers are clean, sophisticated and wealthy. They get to be outdoors all day. They drive those cute little carts. They have special outfits. Plus, the whole living-on-a-golf course lifestyle always seems nice. The grass looks pristine. There’s always a clubhouse that has great food and drinks and I imagine that the golfers drive their little carts up to it to relax after a fun day of golfing. They say things like, “Max, put this on my tab.”

I’d like to wear a special outfit, spend all day outside and have a tab.

But the game itself seems really boring. And hard. I didn’t know things could be boring and hard at the same time. Just golf. And it’s really the only sport I can think of where you wouldn’t lose weight. I mean, you’re driving those carts around, eating at the clubhouse. I think you might actually gain weight. So I don’t see why I want to spend all day—and it does take ALL day—sweating in the sun just to end up five pounds heavier. And speaking of heavy, how about those clubs? I can see why they need the carts. But at home, where am I supposed to put those things?

If you play golf, you have to watch golf too. Now, I don’t personally mind the TV turned to golf as sort of background noise (for all the reasons I listed in the first paragraph) but I certainly don’t see how I could sit there captivated, watching them putt or whatever it is they do. It’s just too slow-paced.

Golf. I just don’t like it.

Although I do look good in plaid.

2 comments:

Liz said...

I actually like golf because I was "raised" on it... on Sunday afternoons, my dad would be "napping" (I put that in quotes for the next reason) and if we tried to change the channel, he would say "don't even think about it"... without opening his eyes.

I also love the idea of a "tab."

The only piece you have wrong is that you CAN get exercise playing golf when you walk the course! Many good courses are typically hilly and are, at the shortest, 4+ miles! And when you suck, you are weaving back and forth all over the course so you could end up walking up to about 7 miles! So, there's ONE positive for you. :)

Kristin said...

I agree, I love the golf lifestyle, but playing golf is frustrating.

I enjoy the driving range the most!