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Thursday, December 20, 2007

Salvation Army Salute


I’m all for the bell ringers. I just wish they would still wear their Santa suits. That’s why I give extra good change (like nickels and dimes rather than pennies) when one of them makes an effort. Here’s the lowdown on the SA Ringers near me:

Weakest: The Walmart Ringer. Sure, she smiles but sometimes I have to smile at her first. Plus, I’m always too busy bringing in abandoned carts from the parking lot to get out any change.

Chattiest: Kroger Ringer. Then again, everybody at Kroger is super chatty. The sacker gave me a lecture about how to make sure I find a mate for my baby by kindergarten so he/she doesn’t end up alone and living with his mom like him. And the checker likes to hold me in conversation hostage too: “Hey, haven’t seen you in awhile!” That’s why yesterday, when we needed garbage bags, I snuck in and used the self checkout. I still was stopped by an old lady customer who wanted to get my advice about candle scents. Am I unaware of a sign on my head that says, “Please talk to me...for a really long time?” So the ringer is no different. He started talking to me about how it’s hard to stand there all day and I gave him some tips on how he could move around and get exercise at the same time—marching in place, side steps, hamstring curls. He seemed eager to do them but when I left he was still just standing there. I said, “Hey, what about the calf lifts I taught you?” He did them right away so I gave him a dime for cooperating.

Sweetest/Best Overall: Walgreen’s Ringer. This guy had on a Santa hat so I said, “I’m glad you’re wearing a Santa hat!” and gave him all the change I had…even quarters! (Well, not all my quarters but a few.) Then, on my way out I saw him walking an old lady to her car! How sweet is that? Of course, he abandoned his bucket which is against the rules and I had to report him to the Salvation Army and that may or may not be the reason he got fired but still…

Those are all the bell ringers I know. But I encourage you to evaluate your bell ringers and donate accordingly. After all, your change could go to help my sacker friend at Kroger get some hip clothes and a date.

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