Stay Sweet

I have a little game I like to play:

Whenever I am perusing Facebook and see a birthday message for a kid, I try to see if the poster can possibly wish their child a happy birthday without calling him or her "sweet."

So far, no one has done it. Everyone MUST describe their child as sweet. They can't help it. Sometimes they throw in other adjectives like kind, caring, amazing. But never do they leave out sweet.

And this perplexes me. One because my own kids are anything but sweet. Second, my experience with other kids is that they too are not sweet. Sometimes I actually know the kid who has so sweetly survived another year of life. And I think to myself, "That brat? Sweet? Really? That's the best word you could come up with? I could come up with a lot more."

Obviously the adjectives should be positive. I mean, it's the kid's birthday. And probably, he or she does have some redeeming qualities. I usually use clever, creative and funny to describe Leo in such posts. But if I was being totally honest, I would have to add whiny, short-tempered and annoying:

Happy Birthday to my first born, Leo--we love you because you are clever, whiny, creative, short-tempered, funny and annoying! #timeflies #blessed 


But back to those sweet kids. I have two theories. Their parents are either:

1. Lying
2. Completely unoriginal


If they're lying, I think they don't even know it. I think, in the moment, they actually believe their kids are sweet. They think back to the one time the kid said, "I wuv you, mommy" and forget about all the "I hate yous."

And if it's the second, well whaddya gonna do? That's just me being a word snob.

Or perhaps, there are actually a few sweet kids out there. My niece Ellie can be sweet. She once offered to carry my things in from the car for me. I let her hold my phone as a thank you. Two minutes later she gave it back to me. I'm still in shock. But that's not so much sweet as it is un-freaking-believeable.

Even if one of my kids miraculously becomes sweet, I'm still going to avoid that adjective:

Happy Birthday to Gus--we love you because you are feisty, smart, violent, adorable and so darn lazy that you'd rather poop your pants than go to the potty. #youdontsmellsweet