I Can Hardly Retain Myself

For the last seven months I have had some sort of apparatus on my front lower teeth. First, there was the gum surgery. In its aftermath I was required to wear this “gum band-aid" for several weeks. And this had nothing to do with Hubba Bubba.

Then in September I dressed my teeth with the tiny rubber bands. I’m still finding those things everywhere—in the car, in my purse, at my neighbors’ houses.

Around November I got the retainer. My orthodontist said I had to wear it all the time until January 31st. Then he would decide if I could go to a night-only retainer regimen.
I called January 31st T-Day—Teeth Freedom Day. Okay, I just made that up now but I really was looking forward to it. I mean, this thing is really getting in the way of my grazing.

Well T-Day came with somber news: I have to continue wearing the retainer another THREE MONTHS! That’s until the end of April! I’m talking full-time retainer-wearing.

And to think this Saturday is the 13 year anniversary of the day I got my braces off. And I’m celebrating it as a 30-year-old with a retainer. Nice.

I guess I’ll just have to look forward to April 30th, my next T-Day. I’m gonna have a big party but nobody’s invited. I want all the grazing to myself.